I had honestly never thought of this stairstep method (no! "revise agonize revise revise revise!") but it made me realize that probably the best things I've written must have worked like this. Also insane Kenneth Koch memory: part of the reputation of Adams House as the "artsy/queer" residence hall at Harvard was to have a Drag Night every year and I had dressed up in my rower girlfriend's clothes which fit me fine. Kenneth Koch was visiting and I went to dinner with him as part of a crowd connected to the literary magazine. He seemed uncomfortable around me and later a dining companion claimed that Koch had never been uncomfortable around "those people", which if not pure nonsense (I could be very annoying with or without a sequined dress) would have been a odd impact for this extremely vanilla college boy to have had.
Hahahaha. Uncle Kenny, whose male friends were all gay, was all about being the straight guy in the room, especially a room crowded with nubile young women. He never failed to allude to his straightness in class (less eyebrow-raising than today, in ‘72-’74.) But he had a collection of gay speech mannerisms he was probably unaware of.
I haven't resonated with a writer on writing as much as I did here in a while. From being unable to write every day no matter what, to being an "intuitive writer." I also have a tendency to use staircase sentences such that first drafts are final and the first draft can take ages. Discovering internal contradictions and hidden assumptions as I go is my favorite thing. But I also have a lot of shame around how I work. Without the discipline and practice that so many people around me whom I admire and respect have, I've been so close so many times to thinking I was mistaken in my chosen form of expression. Have you had to manage feelings like these?
I guess I’m just the rebellious type. When I was in preschool I got a lot of flack for holding my pencil wrong—but it was the comfortable way for me, and it fact I still, 66 years later, hold it that way. That was the first dent in the armor of authority. And I too felt the shame of lacking discipline, etc., but after writing many many pieces and a number of books I relaxed. I have my own discipline. My energy just comes in bursts, and I can do more in one sitting that many more methodical writers do in a week. So trust yourself!
Was also in one of Kenneth Koch's poetry classes at Columbia (primarily a reading course, in this case) and wrote a little about it earlier this year. It's here, in case it would bring pleasure.
Thank you so much for doing this Lucy! I always wanted to go back to school to study writing, but since that isn't likely to happen, I'm thrilled to be part of the group here.
I write very similiarly. Thanks for putting words to it. I'm starting over again as well after having a blog on Wordpress. I was prolific for a long time and built up a good following, but I had a tragedy happen in my life that I had difficulty processing and I just couldn't write with the same freedom. I'm back to write it out - I hope. But, like you said, who know what will happen. No promises.
Wow, this cleared up a lot of things for me and my writing!! I’ve never heard of intuitive writing and just knowing the way you write intuitively brings a lot of relief to my soul. I’ve tried to pressure myself to write differently but have always struggled to do so which then led to the inevitable shame spiral of feeling like a “bad writer”. I’m so glad I came upon this essay. Thank you!!
This is SO TRUE for me. I know I'm an intuitive person, (INFJ, enneagram 9) and am learning to trust the intuitive process, in all aspects of life. Thank you for writing about what this looks like in the writing life!
Now I understand that I haven't been stuck--I've been testing treads.
So much of what you've written about your method is similar to my own. I've always winced when an editor asks me to go back and insert "a paragraph or two about ____." What they don't understand is: I'd have to disassemble the entire structure to find room, then clear that space and puzzle out how to reassemble the entire thing in a way that still works. I believe this has a lot to do with the sentence-to-following-sentence orientation of a stair-stepper.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a scattershot, start-anywhere writer. But I can't even fathom what that must be like.
I had honestly never thought of this stairstep method (no! "revise agonize revise revise revise!") but it made me realize that probably the best things I've written must have worked like this. Also insane Kenneth Koch memory: part of the reputation of Adams House as the "artsy/queer" residence hall at Harvard was to have a Drag Night every year and I had dressed up in my rower girlfriend's clothes which fit me fine. Kenneth Koch was visiting and I went to dinner with him as part of a crowd connected to the literary magazine. He seemed uncomfortable around me and later a dining companion claimed that Koch had never been uncomfortable around "those people", which if not pure nonsense (I could be very annoying with or without a sequined dress) would have been a odd impact for this extremely vanilla college boy to have had.
Hahahaha. Uncle Kenny, whose male friends were all gay, was all about being the straight guy in the room, especially a room crowded with nubile young women. He never failed to allude to his straightness in class (less eyebrow-raising than today, in ‘72-’74.) But he had a collection of gay speech mannerisms he was probably unaware of.
Ah — I see now that the atmosphere of a CC reading course in the late 80s was likely not similar after all. Oh well — it was a good thought.
I'm so happy you are here.
Me too!
I haven't resonated with a writer on writing as much as I did here in a while. From being unable to write every day no matter what, to being an "intuitive writer." I also have a tendency to use staircase sentences such that first drafts are final and the first draft can take ages. Discovering internal contradictions and hidden assumptions as I go is my favorite thing. But I also have a lot of shame around how I work. Without the discipline and practice that so many people around me whom I admire and respect have, I've been so close so many times to thinking I was mistaken in my chosen form of expression. Have you had to manage feelings like these?
I guess I’m just the rebellious type. When I was in preschool I got a lot of flack for holding my pencil wrong—but it was the comfortable way for me, and it fact I still, 66 years later, hold it that way. That was the first dent in the armor of authority. And I too felt the shame of lacking discipline, etc., but after writing many many pieces and a number of books I relaxed. I have my own discipline. My energy just comes in bursts, and I can do more in one sitting that many more methodical writers do in a week. So trust yourself!
Welcome to Substack! Loved this.
Was also in one of Kenneth Koch's poetry classes at Columbia (primarily a reading course, in this case) and wrote a little about it earlier this year. It's here, in case it would bring pleasure.
https://open.substack.com/pub/notesfromlinnesby/p/a-translated-poem-and-memories-of?r=2u2cxe&utm_medium=ios
The title is ”A translated poem, and memories of the poets Kenneth Koch and Brigit Kelly.”
That’s lovely! Thank you.
Very welcome. It can't have been the same course, but I thought it might be enjoyable to be taken back to what was likely a similar environment.
This is exciting.
what a delightful deep ripple in the Substack pond. thank you Lucy, this is a godsend.
This is the most excited a first post has made me about an upcoming Substack. Looking forward to what comes.
Thank you so much for doing this Lucy! I always wanted to go back to school to study writing, but since that isn't likely to happen, I'm thrilled to be part of the group here.
I write very similiarly. Thanks for putting words to it. I'm starting over again as well after having a blog on Wordpress. I was prolific for a long time and built up a good following, but I had a tragedy happen in my life that I had difficulty processing and I just couldn't write with the same freedom. I'm back to write it out - I hope. But, like you said, who know what will happen. No promises.
Welcome to the new blogging era, Lucy! You have an incredible writing voice (I’m sure you know) and I’m fascinated to read more.
Thanks Amy!
Wow, this cleared up a lot of things for me and my writing!! I’ve never heard of intuitive writing and just knowing the way you write intuitively brings a lot of relief to my soul. I’ve tried to pressure myself to write differently but have always struggled to do so which then led to the inevitable shame spiral of feeling like a “bad writer”. I’m so glad I came upon this essay. Thank you!!
This is SO TRUE for me. I know I'm an intuitive person, (INFJ, enneagram 9) and am learning to trust the intuitive process, in all aspects of life. Thank you for writing about what this looks like in the writing life!
I have been stuck trying to describe what happens when I write, but after reading this, I am stuck no more. So many wisdom nuggets in here! Thank you.
♥️
Now I understand that I haven't been stuck--I've been testing treads.
So much of what you've written about your method is similar to my own. I've always winced when an editor asks me to go back and insert "a paragraph or two about ____." What they don't understand is: I'd have to disassemble the entire structure to find room, then clear that space and puzzle out how to reassemble the entire thing in a way that still works. I believe this has a lot to do with the sentence-to-following-sentence orientation of a stair-stepper.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a scattershot, start-anywhere writer. But I can't even fathom what that must be like.